What is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and How Does it Manifest?
First and foremost, as I am only an expert on myself I can share what RSD has been like for me and I‘ll show you how I have overcome many of the gremlins of this irksome characteristic of ADHD.
The word ‘dysphoria’ comes from Ancient Greek text. Broken down the word means ‘grievous’, ‘bad, difficult’ and ‘to bear’. I’m sure we all know what rejection and sensitivity mean. Funny, I think it should be Rejection and Criticism Sensitivity Dysphoria but maybe that’s a bit of a mouthful.
When I have tried to explain RSD to other people the overriding comment I have had is, “Well no one likes rejection or criticism.” True, however, RSD for neurodivergent people (and specifically ADHD people) is off the scale and in worst case scenarios can lead to suicide so it can be extremely serious.
I did an RSD test on the ADDitude website which has loads of great resources about ADHD. Here is the link for the online test if you want to see how you score.
My score came out as 50% and that is about right for me. I can handle criticism and rejection in a number of areas, such as work and education, but when it comes to family or close friends rejecting or criticising that is quite another thing.
What Activates RSD?
I am autistic and ADHD. Things like fairness and justice are extremely important and my values are too. If I am criticised and I have time to process I might well agree with the criticism and take it on the chin. When there is a criticism which involves hypocrisy or meanness then I am likely to explode. I’ll go straight into fight mode. Some people may cry with sheer rage or upset.
What Does RSD Feel Like?
In the past, when my RSD has been activated, it feels like a freight train has hit me. I can feel sick to the pit of my stomach and my heart actually hurts, pounding in my chest. My skin will turn red and I might cry and shake. A really bad criticism or rejection will have me ruminating for weeks, make me isolated at home and bring on feelings of failure, shame and disgust.
Can You Relate to These Intense Feelings?
If you identify with the characteristics of RSD then here are some tips to help manage your own challenges. Just to add, RSD is not always about an actual rejection or criticism. Sometimes it can be perceived – you believe it is happening, but it might not be.
- Reframe
Is it true? Has someone really rejected or criticised you? What is the evidence? How serious is it? Maybe scale it on a one to ten, one being not bad at all and ten being really bad.
Think about the person who has rejected you. Is this a one off? Are you normally close? What will be the consequences of banning them from your life because of the event?
Can you talk to someone about it to get an objective point of view?
- Being aware of triggers and situations which could lead to RSD
If there is one person who criticises or rejects you repeatedly then maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship. Do you really need this person in your life? If they are a family member or need to be in your life then creating space and boundaries can help a lot.
- Be kind to yourself
If you are ADHD or autistic you will naturally be a sensitive person. You are not mad, bad or dangerous to know. Give yourself a break and accept that in life there will be rejections and criticisms. Perhaps some work to build resilience might help.
- Change your mindset and self-talk
Being sensitive to rejection and criticism is just a part of who you are. Other people might have really thick skins. You are not ‘other’ people. You are you.
Think about the people who do love you, warts and all. Spend more time around positive people and situations.
Writing down your thoughts in a notebook can be very helpful. Getting negative stuff out of your mind and onto paper often dilutes the intense feelings.
Think about the following phrase – ‘This time will pass’. This RSD flare up is just that. Thoughts are just thoughts. We can all learn to be more mindful and get through RSD experiences.
ADHD Coaching Near Me or ADHD Online Coaching
As a Counsellor and Coach and a person who has experienced RSD, you can be sure that I have researched and trained extensively about RSD. Your experience will be unique even though the hallmarks of RSD will be similar.
I welcome new clients to fill in a contact form and contact me for a FREE, twenty minute phone consult to see if I can support you on your ADHD jouney. I look forward to speaking with you soon at Fresh Start Counselling, in person in Frome or online via Zoom.