(discount details at the end of the blog)
Some days, everything clicks. You’re in flow — ideas sparkle, energy feels limitless, connections make sense. Then, out of nowhere, the clouds roll in. A sharp comment stings for hours. The to-do list feels impossible. You find yourself teary, irritable, or withdrawn — and you can’t quite explain why.
For many ADHD people this kind of emotional whiplash isn’t rare — it’s daily life. We often talk about ADHD in terms of focus, forgetfulness, or organisation, but we rarely talk about the emotional experience that runs underneath it all. And yet, for so many ADHDers, it’s the feelings
Let’s talk about our inner world.
Emotional Intensity in ADHD
One of the most common but least understood parts of ADHD is emotional intensity. ADHD brains often experience feelings as big, immediate, and all-encompassing. There’s little buffer between “something happened” and “I’m feeling it fully.”
This isn’t because us ADHDers are dramatic or oversensitive — it’s because of how our brains process emotion. The areas of the brain responsible for emotional regulation (the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and limbic system) interact differently in ADHD. That means the emotional volume is turned up high, and the “pause button” that most ADHD people can reach for in a tense moment can feel out of reach.
So, for us, joy isn’t just happiness — it’s elation. Frustration isn’t mild annoyance — it’s rage or despair. The heart doesn’t whisper; it shouts.
I often describe it to clients like this: your emotions aren’t wrong — they’re just loud. And when we stop trying to silence them and start listening and working with them, we begin to understand what they’re really telling us.
After an Emotional overload: Shame, Exhaustion, Guilt and Despair
When the emotional storm passes, it often leaves something behind: shame.
“I overreacted.”
“Why can’t I just let things go?”
“Everyone else moves on — what’s wrong with me?”
Sound familiar?
Many ADHDers live in a constant cycle of feeling deeply → reacting strongly → feeling ashamed and guilty → withdrawing. Over time, this creates emotional exhaustion. You begin to doubt your own reactions, question your worth, and hide the parts of yourself that feel “too much.”
But here’s the truth: emotional flooding isn’t a moral failing or a lack of maturity — it’s a physiological response from a brain that experiences life in vivid colour.
Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing emotion; it’s about creating space to process it safely. The goal isn’t to become unfeeling — it’s to build trust in your ability to ride the waves.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself around this. The constant negative rumination and trying to think my way out of things were pulling me lower, day by day. So this is what I do.
I turn off my phone or TV, and I just sit for a few moments. I take a few long, slow breaths and let my body settle. Then I notice how I am feeling in my body and try to name it. Usually something will arise like “sad”, “worried” or “angry”. Lately, a new one has appeared, and this has been good to work on – “confused”.
The idea is not to attempt to fight the emotion or find a whole bunch of ways to fix it. Just noticing it and sitting with it helps. “I feel sad today”. “Where in my body am I feeling it?” I am curious. “Maybe I can feel it in my heart area”. Perhaps I can show myself some love.
Then I can get practical. “How can I show myself love?” I have a hot bath and listen to yoga meditation music. I put my essential oils in my diffuser and light a candle. Lemongrass, bergamot and lavender are my favourites. Then I just lie back and give myself time. Time to just ‘be’ and to feel a little self-love.
As an ADHDer, it’s easy to do things like this in an ad hoc manner, but I have found that having a routine, repeating the exercise daily, or so helps the best. When I am going through a low period, I make sure I have these baths every day. You may find a different approach works, like walking in nature, listening to music or spending time with your pet or loved one works well.
The Loneliness of Misunderstood Feelings
Because ADHD is largely invisible, this emotional landscape often goes unseen — or worse, misinterpreted.
A partner might see sudden tears as an overreaction. A boss might interpret emotional shutdown as laziness or disinterest. A parent might mistake impulsive anger for defiance.
And so, many ADHDers grow up hearing messages that sting deeply:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You need to calm down.”
“You’re overreacting again.”
These messages don’t just wound — they shape how we see ourselves. They teach us to distrust our feelings, to bottle things up, or to apologise for existing too loudly. I have ADHD friends who constantly say sorry, even when they have done the ‘thing’. Not fair, is it?
That misunderstanding creates a deep, quiet loneliness. When your emotions don’t seem to match the world around you, it’s easy to feel alien — even when you’re surrounded by people.
On my journey to discover more about my ADHD, I have used TikTok, podcasts, audiobooks, books and read articles. I’ve also joined Facebook ADHD Groups. All of these have been invaluable and have given me enormous support. They have helped with tips, techniques, and just being connected to a tribe that gets me. Something is missing, though.
I am a highly sensitive person and have big feelings and emotions. Many of them stem from life experiences and triggers from when negative things happened to me in the past. For this, I have needed more. This is because I have experienced trauma, and I needed to get this sorted before I could really work on the day-to-day challenges of being ADHD.
Even Counsellors need counsellors sometimes. In the past, I had gone to non ADHD (neurotypical) Therapists. They were good – to a point – but there always came a time when the understanding and more targeted support were needed. I changed my Therapist and now see a Counsellor who is themselves ADHD. What a difference! I felt validated, and my Therapist has shown real empathy.
The Bright Side of Big Feelings
There is another side to this story — one that deserves just as much attention. The same brain that feels pain intensely also feels joy, empathy, and excitement just as strongly.
Many ADHDers have extraordinary emotional intuition. We sense what others feel, we care deeply, we love wholeheartedly. We’re often the first to notice someone’s mood shift or the tension in a room. That emotional richness can make us natural connectors, creatives, and advocates.
So many of my ADHD clients are super empaths, whether it is within their families or the jobs they have, like working with animals, in the medical and therapy fields and within their friendship groups.
When ADHD emotions are understood and embraced rather than suppressed, they become powerful sources of energy and compassion.
Feeling deeply is not a weakness. It’s a form of aliveness — a reminder that you are engaged with the world, not numb to it.
Healing After an Emotional Period in Your Life
For many ADHD adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, there’s a quiet grief that accompanies self-understanding. Grief for the years spent misunderstood. For the friendships strained by intensity. For the self they tried so hard to change.
But healing comes when that grief meets compassion. When you begin to see that your emotional intensity wasn’t a flaw — it was a form of sensitivity that was never supported properly.
Counselling or coaching can help rebuild this emotional trust. Through self-awareness and gentle practice, you start to integrate those big feelings — not as something to hide, but as part of your unique emotional fingerprint.
A Reflection for You
“ADHD emotions may be intense, but they’re also a sign of a heart that feels life deeply. And that, in a world that often asks us to numb out and keep up, might just be one of the greatest strengths of all.”
I hope this has helped you understand the emotional impact of ADHD. If you would like to explore further how to recognise your emotions and feelings, and perhaps learn how to put the past behind you and manage triggers, then you are welcome to get in touch. I offer a free twenty-minute phone consult. Just fill in the contact form and I’ll get back to you soon.
Special discount until 30th November
I am offering new clients four weekly sessions for £200 (normal price £320). This can give you a great boost in the run-up to Christmas. If you carry on with me after the four weeks, I will charge £60 per session instead of my normal rate of £80.
I’m listening…