What is Burnout?
Burnout occurs when too many stressful things pile up, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Autistic burnout, in particular, happens when our nervous systems and sensory inputs become too much to handle. But how does burnout differ from depression, and what can we do to combat it?
I am multi-neurodivergent. I didn’t know this until I was 55 years old. I’ve since discovered that I’m autistic, and have ADHD, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and PDA. For 55 years, I believed I was neurotypical, just like 80% of the global population. This unique journey means I can speak for both neurotypical people and those who are, or think they might be, neurodivergent.
My long career in sales (ages 18–33), combined with the fact that I’m neurodivergent, has made me a good communicator, a visual thinker, and a pattern-matching detective. I’ve also had extensive training in active listening, establishing needs, problem-solving, and finding solutions.
So, how can we recognise when we’re heading for burnout, and what should we do when we’re in it?
One thing I’ve learned as a mental health professional is that we can’t heal when we’re in the middle of the challenge, whatever it may be. Recovery and healing begin when we’ve accepted our difficulties and taken steps to overcome them. Until then, we must find healthier, more positive ways to cope. Once we’re through the negative patch, we can focus on maintaining a healthier status quo. Sometimes, we might slip back into unhealthy coping strategies, and that’s OK. It’s all a work in progress—one step at a time.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, I hope that if you take away even one or two new strategies for feeling better, this article will be worth your time.
Burnout is not cut and dry. It can manifest in countless ways and affect people differently. I’ll draw from my lived experience and my ongoing learning on the subject, both as a personal interest and in my work as a psychotherapist and coach.
My mum was very ill in hospital during COVID. I wasn’t receiving clear information from her consultants, and during an unexpected WhatsApp video call, she told me I’d left her to die. At the same time, my family was moving house, and as the main organiser, I was responsible for almost everything. One of my sons was having difficulties, and I was in the middle of my second autism assessment and diagnosis after being misdiagnosed just weeks earlier.
It may seem obvious that this situation was ripe for burnout. The thing is, I was in the middle of it all—firefighting, caring, organising, worrying, and feeling completely confused. I crashed and burned.
I remember sitting on the sofa for hours, hyper-vigilant, waiting for the phone to ring, dreading the call. I was eating a lot of vanilla ice cream, watching horror films, and knitting—desperately trying to focus on anything else as the house imploded with mess, and I was utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
So much of what was happening was beyond my control. People often call others “control freaks,” but many simply don’t understand. Some of us need to feel safe. We need to plan and know what’s going to happen next. Details matter, and ambiguity can cause us actual pain. We can be great multitaskers when we’re feeling good, but when stress layers up, especially when emotional elements are added—like grief or relationship breakdowns—burnout becomes inevitable.
What does burnout feel like?
Burnout can feel like your body is trying to explode out of your skin. You may start experiencing a range of symptoms, whether psychosomatic or real. Your sympathetic nervous system might be stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or collapse mode, with burnout often coming during the collapse stage. We can’t fight or run away; our only option is to collapse. Our bodies and minds are telling us we must rest.
But we can’t. We have jobs to go to. Perhaps it’s our work that has led to burnout. We may not like the work we do, yet we’ve trained for it over many years, often at great financial cost. Maybe we dislike new systems or colleagues. The commute has become unbearable with cancelled trains or endless traffic jams. We have families to support, and bills to pay.
As caregivers, we may run out of energy. Imagine caring for your partner, sick or elderly parents, and children—then add challenges to all these relationships. Burn, burn, burn…
Sometimes, we might not even recognise our feelings and physical symptoms as stress. We plough on with our hands metaphorically over our ears, going, “blah, blah, blah.”
Do you feel tension between your shoulder blades? Pain all over your body? How’s your digestive system—does it feel inflamed? Maybe you’re having toileting issues. Is your heart racing, or has your heart rate dropped, making you feel dizzy or faint? Are you manually breathing, or have panic attacks and meltdowns started?
Burnout can last for a short period, happen multiple times, or linger for months. It can feel like living half a life—or no life. You might zone out, dissociate, or feel like you’re not even in your body, experiencing depersonalisation as though you’re watching yourself from afar.
In an attempt to regain control, we might turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms—undereating, overeating, sleeplessness, oversleeping, drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling, shopping, and more. Sometimes, we can even become addicted to our own depression or anxiety, feeling trapped in what’s called ‘learned helplessness.’
What can we do when we find ourselves heading toward or stuck in burnout?
One of the hardest things to do is to accept that we’re in burnout. Acceptance is key to so many of our struggles, and this is especially true for burnout.
We might resist accepting what our bodies and minds are trying to tell us. It’s easy to say, “Be resilient.” But when we’re in burnout, we’re vulnerable. Our body and mind are telling us to stop, rest, and reset. Only by doing this will we have a chance to grow stronger again.
“Who can help?” I sometimes hear people say, “I don’t have anyone”. For some, this is absolutely true, and it’s a huge issue that only leadership and structural change can address.
But look again—Is there someone, anyone, who could help, even a little?
Many of us feel we need to control everything. We believe we can do the job better ourselves. After all, by the time we’ve asked someone for help, we could have done it, right? No.
A lot of burnout comes from our self-talk or the things others have said about our ability to cope. We may feel the need to prove ourselves. But we don’t. We’re not machines. Looking for help isn’t a weakness—it’s a choice.
“This challenging time will pass.”
There may be calm before the next challenge, giving us a chance to regroup after rest or doing things we enjoy. Getting our needs met in balance is crucial.
Who can help at work?
It’s not acceptable to be so overwhelmed by work that you’re constantly stressed. You might think everyone else is in the same boat, but for now, focus on your own well-being. If you work for someone else, it’s time to talk to your line manager or boss. Be honest and concise about your needs. Plan what you’re going to say and make a short list of what can reduce your workload. Present your needs positively, showing that by lightening your load, you’ll be more productive. You may be surprised by how accommodating they can be.
What if you work for yourself?
Have you taken on too much work? Perhaps you started small, but now more work means more money, so you keep pushing yourself. At what cost? Who’s missing out—your partner, kids, friends, or even your own mental and physical well-being? If you’re overwhelmed, take a long, hard look at how you can slow down. Pushing yourself to the brink benefits no one.
Keeping our world small helps us avoid burnout.
I’m only an expert on myself, so here’s what I did. I went around the house, picking up things and asking, “Does this bring me joy?” No pondering, just a quick answer. If the answer was “no,” out it went. I’ve done this with work, friends, family, social stuff, food, and more. We can declutter anything in our lives.
We’ve downsized—moved from a big, noisy, stressful environment to a soft, calm, community-focused one. Now we have a small bungalow with a lovely garden. Perfect. I work for myself and should have done it 20 years ago! I have control, choice, flexibility, and sanity.
Now I have the time and space to enjoy life again. Burnout had stolen all of that before. Now, I’m back to crafting, cooking, going to gigs, growing veg, and spending time with authentic friends.
I no longer feel the need to do or have everything, and certainly not right now. My stress levels are much lower. They’re not completely gone—that’s too much to ask—but I feel freer and healthier.
One in seven people are neurodivergent—autistic, ADHD, Tourette’s, OCD, dyspraxic, dyslexic, dyscalculic, etc. Neurodivergent people often experience burnout, and our experiences can add an extra layer of complexity.
When I see clients, I explain this:
Anyone can experience a mental health challenge at any point in life. We are all human.
Neurodivergent people, however, need certain things to feel in control, safe, calm, and happy. Each spectrum and each characteristic (or trait) are unique to the individual. Simply trying to get these different needs met can lead to stress and anxiety.
Since only one in seven people is neurodivergent, we are a minority. We must survive in a world where the predominant neurotype operates differently.
An autistic person may be going through the same life stresses as anyone else—bereavement, moving house, pain, relationship issues. But add a differently wired brain and extreme sensitivity to the mix, and it’s easy to understand why burnout is such a big deal for us.
Autistic Burnout
For an autistic person, a number of factors could lead to burnout: a shirt that doesn’t fit right, a train that’s ten minutes late, a new person at work sitting opposite you, forgetting to eat and becoming ‘hangry’, a friend not replying to a text. When these events pile up, especially if you’re already facing mental health challenges, autistic burnout can happen.
Additionally, autistic people often mask or camouflage their differences to fit in. This is incredibly exhausting. Personally, what I once thought were bouts of depression were likely autistic burnouts.
It’s easy for an autistic person’s battery to run down without us giving ourselves the time to fully recharge. Paul Micallef from Autism from the Inside suggests it’s better to let our battery run all the way down and then fully rest to recharge before facing the world again.
Watch here: Autism from the Inside
For us, recovering from burnout doesn’t have to mean complete rest or sleep. It can mean doing something we love that gets us into a state of flow. Last year, during a stressful flat sale that dragged on for months, I avoided a full-blown burnout by digging over a tonne of earth and clay and building a wildlife pond. That worked wonders.
Conclusion
Burnout happens when we push ourselves too hard, become overwhelmed, and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It can feel like depression, and the two often coexist, but burnout comes with a host of additional challenges.
In my experience, burnout is largely caused by chronic stress. Each person responds to stress differently, and some can handle more than others. There’s good stress—the kind that motivates—but prolonged, unhealthy stress wreaks havoc on our minds and bodies.
I see a lot of burnout in my therapy room, and I’m sure many other mental health professionals are seeing more of it too. Together, we can work on recognising the signs in your own experience and develop strategies to prevent burnout in the first place—or recover more quickly if you find yourself already in it.
Need Help Managing Burnout? Let’s Work Together.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in burnout, or unsure how to move forward, you don’t have to navigate it alone. As a mental health professional with lived experience in neurodivergence, I can help you identify the signs of burnout, develop coping strategies, and guide you toward recovery.
Whether you’re neurodivergent or neurotypical, I offer a safe, supportive space to explore your challenges and create a plan that works for you.
Reach out today for a free consultation, and let’s take the first step together toward restoring balance and well-being.