ADHD people are generally more emotionally sensitive and reactive than neurotypical individuals. My RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) is not triggered by criticism about work or things that are correct or fair. It is triggered by unfairness, gaslighting, rudeness, having different values forced upon me, being taken for granted, favouritism, and being left out.
When RSD is triggered, the feeling is extremely physical, first and foremost. Rage, upset, and meltdowns are common reactions. It can lead to burnout and depression, lasting for hours, days, or even weeks. As my RSD was predominantly triggered by my family, I experienced it for more than half my life.
Now that the cause of my RSD has gone, through both death and geography, a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and little triggers my RSD nowadays. My world is smaller. My friends are kind, and my nuclear family is loving and very close. I also work for myself, which has been brilliant.
Autism and the Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA)
As an autistic person, I also have a Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA). Different triggers, but very similar reactions. My nervous system is sent into overdrive.
I have thought through, at great length, what I need to keep myself regulated. I often plan something carefully, so when I can’t do what I need to do, or if plans are suddenly changed, I can feel irritated. It would need to be a significant change for me to reach a state of rage.
When I am curious about something, I will learn all about it until I am satisfied—not in a subjective way. Be assured, I have read, watched, listened, and trained to find everything out. If I am then told I’m wrong or that I should do something a different way—especially by someone in authority or who has not done their learning—I’ll go potty. I’m not trying to be bossy. I just know my stuff. Self-employment rocks!
For both RSD and PDA, my body reacts by over-breathing, my heart rate speeds up, I’ll need to go to the toilet, and I’ll sweat and shake. My mind might shut down, or it will be filled to the brim with intrusive thoughts. When I eventually calm down, I’m exhausted, sometimes confused, and often left dealing with feelings of shame and guilt.
There must be an evolutionary reason for many of us to feel this way. I don’t believe we were adapted to have these feelings without them serving a purpose. Perhaps we are meant to be the truth-sayers, the whistleblowers, the learners, and idea generators—the ones people come to for information. Maybe that’s our role.
Managing RSD and PDA
Learning about my spectrums and traits has been amazing. My PDA and RSD were crippling at times. RSD almost ended me in the early 2000s.
Now I work with my traits and manage them really well. I use what I’ve learned to help other AuDHDers manage their more challenging traits using psychotherapeutic techniques, hypnotherapy, and coaching.
Are you like me—an AuDHDer with RSD and PDA profiles? I’d love to help you understand more and share my techniques and advice. Please fill in a contact form, and we can arrange a FREE, 20-minute phone consultation to see if we can work together in the New Year.