Are you, or do you think you are, ADHD? You might be self-diagnosed, diagnosed or just curious. All is one hundred per cent valid. You know yourself better than anyone.
Research shows that people with ADHD can often start experiencing peri menopausal symptoms earlier than neurotypical people. I always thought menopause started in our fifties. I now understand that some women can begin in their early thirties, even in their late twenties.
(I use ‘women’ and ‘people’ interchangeably).
If you think you are entering peri menopause, then here are some practical strategies to help you. I wish I had known this when I was in peri menopause. It could have saved a great deal of stress, confusion and mental health challenges.
Mindfulness
I wonder if your mind is going to an image of sitting, cross-legged, in total silence, going “Om…”. Let’s not worry too much about that image. Mindfulness is really just about noticing, acknowledging and being curious. It’s what works for the unique ‘you’ that is most important.
Perhaps you are finding that your emotions are all over the place. Take a few minutes to be mindful. Sit somewhere quiet and take a few slow, even breaths and feel your body settling. Just notice the feeling. Is it sadness, anxiety or maybe irritation?
Be curious. You don’t need to rush to try to fix it. Let’s take sadness as an example. You might notice that you are feeling low. Where are you feeling it in your body? Is it around your heart area or in your chest? Place your hand gently on the area and breathe slowly. Your ADHD brain might want to fix the sadness with thoughts.
Just be curious. Bring your mind back to the feeling and begin to feel compassion for yourself. Accept that, for now, you feel low, and that’s OK. We are allowed to feel emotions. Give yourself permission to feel sad.
Being aware and acknowledging the sad feeling will go a long way to help you feel better. Once you feel a little calmer, you can begin to think about how to lift your mood. This will depend on whether you are at work, at home or out and about. Even sitting in your car at the supermarket, you can do this exercise.
What lifts your mood? Petting your cat or dog? Snuggling up in your favourite blanket? Making a cup of tea or coffee? Having a warm, foamy bath? Going for a walk in nature?
Mindfulness is not about thinking your way out of your feelings. It’s about resetting your nervous system to help you feel more balanced.
Managing your stress
Menopause, and specifically peri menopause, can make you feel more stressed about everything. So many of my clients tell me about feeling overwhelmed and constantly stressed. Chronic stress is common. Lowering stress levels is at the top of my list to combat menopausal symptoms.
When we are stressed, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline rush around our body, getting us into fight or flight mode. Constantly feeling these arousals makes us experience fatigue, exhaustion and burnout.
Stress can cause inflammation, blood sugar spikes, pain, sleep issues, over- or under-eating, addiction and more. Is there one thing you can do today to lower stress?
Setting boundaries can be a real game-changer. Saying “no” now and again. Women often go into menopause and try to do as much, if not more, to compensate. ADHD minds often have traits such as Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, imposter syndrome, perfectionism and overwork. Are you a people pleaser? These are all common characteristics, and they all raise stress levels.
Here is an interesting article about what happens to our brains during menopause and the effects of HRT. The study was with 125,000 women, which is a robust and evidence-based study: View Article
Learn more about stress, anxiety, depression and trauma here.
Can you do any of these?
When you don’t feel like socialising, then don’t. Your body is giving you a message to rest. Taking a raincheck won’t lose a friendship.
Can your loved ones help out a bit more? Like me, you might be a bit of a people pleaser or control freak. Menopause needs you to rest more. You need more support. Communication is key. You don’t have to go into victim mode, get cross or over-explain. It’s time for others to do their fair share.
Balancing your hormones
Menopause is a natural phase in the life cycle of every woman, or AFAB person. The hormones oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone will be fluctuating, and they will all have an effect on your whole system.
If we were able to have the rest we needed and could isolate and take time to recalibrate, then perhaps we could go through menopause without added support. Some women manage without added hormones. For other women, HRT can be a game-changer. We all have a choice and can decide what is best for our individual needs.
Is your GP sympathetic? Do they understand how it feels to be ADHD and menopausal? This is a controversial subject. Have you been fobbed off or invalidated when you have sought help?
We need to advocate for ourselves, and sometimes we might need to be assertive to get the help we need. If your doctor is not being helpful, l then ask for a second opinion. This might even mean trying a different surgery or going to see a hormone specialist. Going private might be an option. This is your health. If you are struggling now, then you deserve the best treatment.
Get enough sleep
Menopause and ADHD can play havoc with your sleep. I hear you. There is no easy answer, but there are ways to improve sleep. Without good quality sleep, your whole day can be put into jeopardy. Here are a few tips.
Are you a night owl or an early bird? This is your natural rhythm. We are all different. Having to conform to often 9-to-5 working patterns doesn’t help. Taking rest breaks and, perish the thought, squeezing in a power nap can work wonders. We ADHDers can be poor at self-care, but the more we can do to look after ourselves during menopause, the better.
Maybe try having a slowdown period before bedtime. Watching a horror film, or even reading an action novel before it’s time to sleep, might not be a great idea. Avoid coffee after midday, in fact, all caffeine. Eat earlier and make your final meal low or no sugar and white carbs. A big bowl of pasta at 8.30 pm will disrupt sleep and have you waking up really hungry. Liquid intake throughout the day is vital for us. Drinking a pint of water at 8 pm is not such a great idea. Getting roughly one and a half to two litres of water, or healthy liquids, in the early part of the day will prevent the need to pee in the night.
Journaling is a great way to get thoughts out of your head and onto paper before sleep. Keeping your bedroom cool, dark, quiet and pet-free will help a lot. Can you ditch your phone at bedtime? I know that’s a big ask. Possibly not embarking on an angry text exchange could be good, or researching a new brilliant idea at 11.30 pm. Save it for the daytime.
Stay active
We need to move our bodies. Many of us drive to work, sit down all day, come home and then sit on the sofa, knackered, in the evening. This isn’t a blog for listing all the amazing exercise choices that can be made to improve health. You’re probably bombarded with those messages all day. You’re ADHD, you’re menopausal. Give yourself a break.
When I have felt low, tired and demotivated, exercise has been the last thing on my mind. I don’t mind sharing that I needed to shake things up a bit. I’m 60 and began perimenopause in 2007, aged 42. I’m still struggling with issues, post menopause, if there is such a thing.
I discovered my ADHD aged 55 in 2020. I have put on weight that refuses to shift, and my ADHD traits have a mind of their own. The brain fog, fatigue, low mood, overeating, lack of motivation and emotional turmoil have been a real pain.
Moving my body more has helped a lot. I have gone through phases of completely overdoing it or doing nothing at all. Although it’s been tough, I have gone for a walk around the block for thirty minutes most days. I need to find ways to move my body that are fun, or I just won’t do it. I bought a small trampoline and bounce on that, and I dance in my kitchen. I listen to 80s music and electronica at loud volume on my headphones and shake my body around when no one’s looking. And I do feel better. Anything at all. Whatever works for you.
Is your ADHD worse during Menopause?
I wrote a LinkedIn post recently with the strap line – “Menopause made me neurodivergent – WTF!”
I felt as though, up until peri menopause, I could cope with my job, my relationships and myself. With the huge hormone fluctuations, I was all over the place. Only now, with everything I’ve learned, can I look back and see how much my ADHD affected my changing body and mind. Here is the link to the post.
Seek support
There aren’t many of us out there who offer support specifically around ADHD and the menopause. At the end of the day, any therapist with whom you click gives you the opportunity to share your woes, be listened to and validated and help you feel more like your old self can work wonders.
I recommend having a browse on the Counselling Directory or Psychology Today websites for vetted, professional therapists.
I’ve lived through and survived menopause, and I’m ADHD and autistic. I’ve been in Private Practice for ten years. Now I specialise in working with people going through the menopause and who are neurodivergent, ADHD, autistic and more. I welcome the LGBTQI+ community. Menopause and ADHD affect so many of us. I respect all minorities. Find out more about my background here.
I offer online and face-to-face counselling and coaching in Frome. Find out more about my counselling and coaching services here.