These are some of the women who have spoken to me via a post I did about menopause experiences on social media. Their stories are sometimes heartbreaking. There are many more stories not included here. I will probably put them all in a book. I will be hosting a podcast on this subject soon. Please look out for updates.
I’ve changed some of the names, as many are social media usernames.
What struck me was the incredible strength, compassion, love and loyalty these women have shown. To go through so much and still be around to tell the tale. I bet there are many women who don’t make it.
It is the layering up of it all. It’s not surprising women become ill, mentally and physically, with exhaustion, chronic stress and relationship breakdowns, all while going through the menopause.
I wanted to give these women a voice and will continue to do so. I will shout from the rooftops to help them get more support at home, within their family groups and relationships, and in the workplace.
Here are their stories.
Abby. “Lost both parents. I cared for them at home. Also a house move. Lost a best friend, my horse. She was my mental health saviour. Sold the family house I was born in. Have no idea how we get through, but we do.”
Wendy. “I cared for my teenage son into adulthood with autism and learning difficulties. Battling the system. Working but dealing with peri.”
Lynn. “Been through the menopause for ten years. Rheumatologist suggested it could have caused my lupus, so I’m now chronically unwell. Tough times make us stronger but wish life could have been easier.”
Susan. “My menopause journey started as soon as my parents died. I was in shock. Brain fog. Overwhelmed. Having to work even harder because I rent and am self-employed. Our 23 year old still lives with me, which is great. But have to say, becoming a widower at 48 has been very, very tough. I work every day and am burnt out. However, I feel strong, so all is OK.”
Katy. “Mum of 6. Youngest two are 13 and 14. Youngest has Down syndrome and now home educated. Already lost my dad who had LBD and now my mum is in a care home with dementia. I question daily whether I have dementia or is it perimenopause?”
Gen. “My mum has dementia and I have a daughter who has very poor mental health. I work full time and have terrible hot flushes, sleeplessness and memory fog. I want to run away now more than I ever did in my youth.”
Molly. “Elderly mother with dementia. Full time teacher. Menopause, especially the anxiety. Children a bit older. Husband has health difficulties. Feel invisible and exhausted. Up for talking.”
Jane. “I’m currently caring for my 88 year old mother and it is HARD. My children are 200 miles away, all adults now. My grandsons are growing up too and I’m missing it. I’m an only child and my dad needs help.”
Karen. “I was 50 in 2017. My mum had just died and my dad was in remission from cancer. I must have been perimenopausal but with so much to deal with I blamed it on the other stuff. I had never heard of perimenopause. Was just waiting for my periods to stop and be in the menopause. Shows how much I did know.”
Beth. “I’ve spent the past ten years caring for my parents, moving them and moving myself, next door to them. Also working full time. Lost dad six years ago and mum in May last year. Fully understand how it feels.”
Rea. “I started peri at 40. Fought for my 10 years for HRT. At 40 my husband started emotionally abusing me. I was caring for my dad who was bedridden, paralysed on one side and couldn’t talk. Then the pandemic hit and my husband was made redundant. My dad died and my mam was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s on the same day. I then cared for her for five years. She’s now in care. I’ve just filed for divorce.”
Amy. “I’m autistic, in burnout for 2.5 years and housebound, living upstairs. I hit menopause as well. Multiple losses. I’ve a child and horrendous guilt.”
Jess. “Currently supporting my mum’s pancreatic cancer on the other side of the country as a single menopausal woman. It’s exhausting but self-care has become my religion.”
Sally-Anne. “As women we really get it don’t we, but we are still here.”
Charlie. “I’m not 50 until next week but happy to talk. The double hitting of being a neurodivergent working mum of anxious neurodivergent pre-teens during the pandemic pushed me into burnout.”
Colette. “Similar experience but luckily my parents’ deaths were fairly quick. Brought up two daughters. Hit menopause in early 50s. Diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease. Just lost mother-in-law to dementia.”
Dawn. “51 in Feb. I’ve already seen both parents through cancer and their ultimate deaths. It’s so tough. Now going through perimenopause. I genuinely feel mad. Help.”
Nadine. “Lost my dad to Lewy body dementia in 2019, kids were 12 and 14, I was 48. Then COVID happened. Lost my mum five years later to pancreatic cancer. Menopause plus grief plus COVID all within five years. Both kids left home at the same time. My daughter was only 16 at the time, a dancer. It’s been a rollercoaster that is finally calming down.”
Sarah. “Dad died over ten years ago. Mum died of dementia two years ago then my brother died five months later. Worked full time. Was doing my master’s too. Menopause on the side. Don’t know how we do it.”
Helen. “Single mum since divorce when very young. Only child. Lost my dad. My mum is 87 but thankfully good. Working full time and hit bad with perimenopause and osteoarthritis in my neck. I’m tired of it all.”
Emma. “Both my parents died when I was in my twenties. My son was two days old when mum died. No siblings so arranged the funeral whilst in hospital, had a C section. My mum has been dead over thirty years. I loved her to the ends of the world. Then got MS. This all sounds miserable but plough ahead and enjoy every day as my mum would have wanted.”
Ivy. “Yes, dealt with death of my dad from a brain tumour, mum with dementia, still alive in a care home. Mum to teenage boy. Couldn’t believe nature gave me menopause at the same time. Was a mad time. Happy now and hope you are OK. All good now too.”
Red. “Cared for terminally ill parents in 2021 and 2022. I’m menopausal and have health issues. Two teenage children.”
Me. “Between 2015 and 2022. Cared for both elderly and ill parents until their deaths. Handled all the funeral arrangements alone. Working full time. Two teenage sons. Moved house six times for us and parents. Went through breast cancer and cataract op. Broke both ankles, same time. COVID. Diagnosed autistic and ADHD in 2020. Going through menopause since 2007, now 60.”
Letitia. “Menopausal, two teenage boys. Working full time. Mum with Alzheimer’s. In-laws in their 80s. I’m absolutely COOKED.”
I am a psychotherapist living in Frome, Somerset. I have decided to dedicate my work from now on to serve women going through the menopause, with my speciality being in neurodivergence, although I will support all neurotypes. I was only diagnosed autistic in 2021, aged 55, and have supported people from all walks of life.
If you relate to any of these stories and your mental and physical health has been affected by going through the menopause, then I am here for you. Please fill in the contact form for a FREE twenty minute phone call to see if I am able to support you on your journey. I charge £80 per hour for sessions and work face-to-face and online.