This blog is about people’s experiences during menopause when you think or know you are neurodivergent. I am focusing on ADHD and or autism.
There is a reason why I think this is such an important topic. It’s because of my own experiences and the fact that I am now 60 and post menopause, if there is such a thing. I’m also interested in the mental health aspect, as this is so important.
At 42, I thought menopause happened to women in their 50s. I didn’t know I was neurodivergent until I was 55. I look back now and feel sorry for the younger me in a way. I wish I had known that peri menopause can come early for neurodivergent people, sometimes as young as 35. Knowledge and support could have helped avoid the big emotional challenges I went through.
This is the first blog on the subject. In true neurodivergent style, I will be jumping down rabbit holes and providing all sorts of support to help you in the months ahead. This blog is for anyone affected by menopause, not just women. Partners, family, friends and at work, all are impacted by this natural phenomenon that happens to 50 per cent of the population.
“The Change”
This is what my Mum called it. She never used the term ‘menopause’. Mum said she flew through it, but looking back, she didn’t. Mum became more anxious, and her hair started thinning. She discovered a thyroid issue, and she had problems with her teeth. Mum spent a lot of her time in her room. It was only three months before her death that I realised she was ADHD and autistic like me. It must have been so tough for her. She wasn’t great at looking after herself, and nor was I at 42 when my “Change” happened.
Recognising the early stages of menopause, peri menopause
For neurodivergent people, this can be one of the hardest challenges. Studies are showing that many neurodivergent women, and all those who have periods, can begin peri menopause as young as 35. Just Google early onset peri menopause in the neurodivergent population.
When we are ADHD, autistic or both (AuDHD), we have spent our lives having difficulties with executive function, possibly stress, anxiety and depression, communicating our needs and not advocating for ourselves. We may not be great at self-care and work so hard at pushing through even though we feel exhausted. Peri menopause amplifies all of these issues at a whole new level when we’re neurodivergent.
I became coeliac during peri menopause. I kept spraining my ankles. I had awful brain fog and memory issues. I couldn’t focus and felt as though I was losing skills. I had no idea what was happening with my hormones, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. I had no idea how my dopamine and serotonin levels were being affected. I know a lot more now.
I thought I was going mad, seriously. I had no idea that what I was experiencing was peri menopause. Yes, my periods were on and off, but I thought that was due to stress. Over two years, I almost lost my marriage, my mind and my life. Joining all the dots together in hindsight, I now realise I was in peri menopause.
What support is out there?
I went to see my GP and attempted to explain how bad I was feeling. Depression was diagnosed. I was given 6 free sessions with a counsellor on the NHS. It was easier to get that back in 2007. All I did was vomit words about my life, my marriage, trauma from earlier in life and my helplessness.
I was put on antidepressants, Prozac. It had horrible side effects. I stopped taking them.
Months passed, and I made another appointment. “You might be in peri menopause, but it is unlikely, as you are quite young”, the GP said. No support given. I was sent on my way. I am now 60 and still having issues post menopause. The GPs I have seen are still not giving me the support I need.
Validation
I wish, at my very core, that back then, when my world was spiralling out of control, and I felt so awful that someone, anyone, had said “I hear you, I see you, I’m listening”. Most of what I needed was reassurance and validation.
At 42, I didn’t know I was multi neurodivergent. No one spoke about ADHD, autism and AuDHD. There were no support groups, no Facebook or podcasts or books on the subject about how hard it is for our minority community. I felt so lonely, in a bubble of confusion, sadness and fear.
What about now? Who is there to help?
Please let me share with you what I have discovered and what I plan to do to support neurodivergent people and the people close to them, around the topic of peri menopause, menopause and post menopause.
I have seen and spoken to some incredible advocates who are writing books, hosting podcasts and advocating for people just like us. This movement is really just starting to take off. I am a guest on a podcast soon hosted by a man, yes, a man, who is on a mission to support us.
I will continue to talk with people who know a lot more than me and will research all the new studies and resources to support our community. My book pile has grown by my bed. You know if you are neurodivergent that when someone says they will hyperfocus on a subject, they mean it.
What will the Community look like?
There will be a page on this website dedicated to this topic. I will host podcasts with guests who are front and centre when it comes to neurodivergence and menopause. There will be resources and links to all sorts of support networks. I will develop worksheets and do short videos on different aspects of our menopausal journeys. This will be an interactive space. By sharing our lived experiences, we can learn, grow and heal.
Mental health during menopause
I support people using psychotherapy, counselling, coaching and hypnotherapy. I have been in Private Practice for ten years and went niche in 2021 to work solely with neurodivergent clients. Mental health challenges are one of the biggest aspects of menopause. With lived experience, I can empathise, and I will listen and validate your experiences. I will help you advocate for yourself.
Next steps
If you resonate with what I have said, then please follow me. Take a look at my LinkedIn, Facebook and other platforms in the weeks and months ahead and see if you would like to join this Community. My page is in development.
For now, I offer my counselling services. You are not alone. Please fill in the contact form for a free twenty-minute phone consult. One-hour therapy sessions are £80. You can book as many or as few as suits you. I offer online or face-to-face sessions at my Practice in Frome. I will be there to support you through your neurodivergent menopause journey.
I hope to speak with you soon.