I received my autism diagnosis at age 56 in 2021 and discovered my combined ADHD soon after. For 55 years I just thought I was weird, mad and didn’t fit into the world. I didn’t have the handbook that most other people seemed to get so I went through life trying my best but rarely feeling good enough.
As I am only an expert of myself I’m sharing what it is like for this Autistic ADHD person navigating life in a mismatched world and now thriving with everything I have learned. As a Psychotherapist and Coach, it is very much about practising what I preach.
Mental HealthÂ
Autism and ADHD are not mental health conditions. We are just wired differently. I have seen well over one hundred clients since my diagnosis and I am clear that we should look at our neurodivergences and mental health in different ways.
We can live as happy autistic and ADHD people when we get our emotional needs met in balance. I know this for a fact. Some of my friends have not had the challenges I’ve had, even though they are also neurodivergent like me.
Have a look at your early years – right back to birth. Did you have a difficult birth? Were you born into a happy family? Did your parents fully engage with you and encourage you to be independent and support your unique personality? How was school? When did things start going badly for you?
When we have a good start in life we build the strength and resilience we need to get us through the tough times. Being autistic and having ADHD has lots of challenges but we can thrive, as long as we are truly loved and supported. Sadly, that is not the case for many of us. We are much more sensitive to the majority of humans. 20% of us our neurodivergent. We live in a mismatched world.
When we don’t get our needs met we fail to flourish and so many of us have experienced a whole range of mental health challenges over our lives. Multiple stressors and even complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We may have been misdiagnosed and given irrelevant or wrong medications. I was born in 1965. As I grew up mental health wasn’t spoken about, let alone neurodiversity. As we age we can be left with a lack of meaning and purpose, relationship difficulties, loneliness and loss of hope. We all age. How much better it would be if we could live out our older age feeling calmer, happier and healthier? Sometimes we just need validation and a bit of support.
HormonesÂ
I started my periods when I was sixteen and they were not a problem for me. This is not the case for many people I have spoken to who have periods. Very often ADHD people struggle a lot. I hear about PMDD which is an extreme form of premenstrual tension.
There is much evidence to suggest that ADHD women have different fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone levels throughout their cycles. This can be hard to manage emotionally. Knowing that a common trait of ADHD is emotional deregulation and the fact that we are naturally very sensitive then it is understandable that menstrual cycles can cause issues.
If this is something you have experienced then it can be beneficial to get your blood done if you are struggling. If you are on ADHD medication then there may be a benefit to increasing your dose when you ovulate, during the time when you might be struggling more emotionally. It is important to speak to your GP about this as every ADHD person will have unique needs.
The subject of menopause can easily have a book written about it and no doubt there are many books out there. As menopause typically occurs around the age of fifty then let’s touch on it.
MenopauseÂ
After childbirth, menopause is a huge change for autistic and ADHD women. Some women find they are in perimenopause in their thirties, especially if they started their periods at a young age.
There is so much more great information about peri-menopause, menopause and post-menopause nowadays and with luck the stigma of what we go through is lowering. I had no idea the impact menopause would have on me. I look retrospectively and feel sad that things could have been different.
I look at my mental health timeline and can see that I most likely began peri-menopause when I was 42 in 2007. My mental health went into steep decline. I thought I was going mad. I swung between anxiety and melancholy and often felt angry and misunderstood. My drinking escalated to numb my pain and self-medicate. They were dark times.
Menopause can last ten years, or more, and I was no exception. By 2017 I was going through difficult life experiences, mainly around caring for my elderly parents. The chronic stress found me exhausted and catching colds more easily. I was still undiagnosed autistic and ADHD during this time and felt like I was in a bubble. It was like ‘other planet syndrome’.
More research needs to be done but I believe my breast cancer diagnosis came because my immune system was depleted with the amount of stress I experienced. I was one of the lucky ones. My cancer was ductal, fed by estrogen. A lumpectomy and radiotherapy sorted me out and I chose not to take the strong medicine recommended post-op as I was told they had removed all the cancer. That was good enough for me.
My life changed then. I re-evaluated my life and quit drinking alcohol and smoking. I am a super empath and give so much to everyone, not caring for myself as I should. This had to change.
In 2018 I did the South Coast Mighty Hike for McMillan cancer, a gruelling walk from Brighton to Eastbourne over the cliffs in 32 degrees heat. It was a great achievement but the stress hurt my feet, joints and tendons. The result was that in 2020 I broke both my ankles just stepping out of my back door. Surgery with metal plates was needed – a traumatic experience. Perhaps lower estrogen levels as I was ageing didn’t help either.
Many ADHD and autistic women report symptoms to do with their joints, muscles and bones as collagen is another factor in joint and tissue problems and can affect every tissue in the body. I found an amazing group on Facebook called SEDS Connective and I highly recommend joining to discover if you may be hypermobile or even have Ehlers-Danlos or other issues. The Group talks about these challenges specifically with neurodivergence in mind.
DiabetesÂ
In 2022 during a routine blood test, it was discovered I was borderline pre-diabetes. I was shocked but, looking back, it should have been expected. Although I was overweight I wasn’t very fat. I have an extremely sweet tooth. The years of drinking alcohol and consuming A LOT of sweets, chocolate, ice cream cake and popcorn took its toll.
I bought a glucose monitor and changed the way I ate. For my interests, needs and body and brain type I have chosen a keto (type), paleo and Mediterranean diet. It’s high in protein and fat with lots of colourful fruits and vegetables. This has brought my glucose levels right down and I have lost weight. I have more energy, more focus and feel so much better.
WaterÂ
Women should be consuming around a litre and a half of water every day. As we age this can have unfortunate side effects like needing to pee more. Water is very important for our collagen and joints. It helps us avoid brain fog and flush out toxins. Rather than gulp down big glasses of water I have a few small glasses and sip from a big plastic bottle throughout the day and I try to have most of my water in the early part of the day.
EyesÂ
I used to have perfect vision but from age 50 my eyesight has deteriorated quite a bit. I’ve had one cataract op and need the other eye done at some point. The thought of the procedure is much worse than the actual one which I sailed through and recovered quickly from. We can care for our eyes by ensuring we have regular checkups and do not strain our eyes in the sun or on screens.
TeethÂ
I wish I had known how important it was to look after my teeth in my younger years. Like many ADHDers, I loved sweets and crunched my way through kgs of boiled sweets over the years. Thank God I wasn’t a big soda drinker. We need to watch out for diet drinks as they have acid in them which dissolves enamel.
Have you found that your teeth have started moving around in your mouth as you age? I have. For this neurodivergent being, I choose not to get braces or spend thousands on implants. I use toothpaste which keeps plaque at bay and have regular checkups and cleaning appointments. I’ve gone from a firm toothbrush to a soft/medium one as over-brushing can be an issue too.
PainÂ
How much does your body click and ache during the day? Approaching 60 I want to avoid pain as much as possible and do this by keeping stress levels down and making my world smaller. I also move my body. I hate the gym and typical ways of working out but I do love walking and swimming. I walk around 8000 steps every day incorporating hills, often carrying weight-bearing shopping in my backpack.
We need to maintain muscle tone as we age to prevent falling. Yoga and Pilates are great for this too.
SleepÂ
I am so grateful that I sleep well. Almost all my clients have sleep issues and are autistic and/or ADHD. Check out my other blog about improving sleep here: Why Sleep Matters: Simple Tips for a Restful Night
Circulatory issuesÂ
Research suggests that two out of three people over 60 will have issues with their blood pressure and heart disease is common as we age but there is much we can do to protect our hearts.
With a healthy diet, moving our bodies and lowering our stress levels we can increase our life expectancy. I am autistic and ADHD and know first-hand how challenging it is to make changes. Still, we are responsible for our own wellbeing so need to put the work in. The same applies to our mental health.
I Speak Your LanguageÂ
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, I am only an expert of myself. Saying this, I have done a whole lot of research and support my clients ‘Wholistically’ – my term for what I offer. We are not just our bodies or our minds. The gut and brain work extremely closely. Our nervous systems play a huge role when we are autistic and have ADHD. When we treat our ‘whole’ beings with love and respect, we can thrive. I’d love to share more about what I have learned to support you in your unique life.
When you want to find out more about living your golden years in a happy, calm and all-round healthier way then please fill out a contact form and we can arrange a FREE, twenty-minute phone consult to see how I might be able to support you in your later years.
Please get in touch. I’m listening…
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